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.. I just ... it's terrible, Tim." What, Mom? What are you saying?" In my dream ... what I thought was my dream ... I felt young again. I WAS young again. I was still me, but I had it all back ... my youth, my energy, my passion. I had desire and I someone desired me. It felt so good. That's all I can say." I understand. I felt the same thing, Mom. Well ... not the young part. I'm only twenty seven. Well, maybe I don't feel so young anymore. I don't ever talk about it, but I know what it's like to not feel desire ... and to not be desired either" Tim ... why? You and Nina? What do you mean?" Mom, I love her. And she loves me. It's not that. But so much has changed in our relationship in the last few years. I didn't want having the kids to make things different. Nina said she didn't want that either. But somehow it happened. And I'm missing my old self just like you are. I think that was it for me too. That's why it felt so incredible to me." It did? Really?" Yes. It still does." Oh. “Sit down,” I said, pointing at the chair next to the couch. Janet looked sad, and her eyes were red. I think she’d been crying a lot.“Do you still love me?” I asked her. Her face lifted and her eyes darted to me.“Yes!” She exclaimed. “Of course, I do! I don’t want to lose you!”“You know you hurt me, badly?” I asked, feeling the pain of her betrayal rising to the surface.Tears fell from her eyes and rolled down her cheeks, “Yes, I do.”“All you had to do was tell me to stay and watch,” I said, lying my ass off. “I wanted to see. I was just terrified of losing you. I could tell you would like it too much. I was freaking out. I needed you to show me it was ok. All you had to do was tell me to shut up and watch. Instead, you told me to leave.”“I had no idea!” she said sadly. “I was so frustrated with you stopping it again. I didn’t think you could handle it.”“You crushed my heart when you said those three words to me. You. Should. Leave. You said them to ME, Janet. To me.”She cried more..
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