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"Oh, Penelope ... Oh ... Oh!" She held me tight against her, trembling, her tears wetting my neck."Is she alright? Mom!?"She sobbed against me a moment, then said with great sadness, "no ... no ... she didn't make it ... oh, Penelope!"It didn't really sink in then. I knew tremendous loss and anguish in slow motion. I felt like I was out of my own body, watching myself cry, watching myself give in to the grief. I saw myself from a distance, the warmth of my mother's embrace around someone else's body. I could see my father crying, eyes red and filled with tears as he wrapped his arms around us.Even as I felt the sadness, I stood apart from it, not allowing myself to believe it true, not letting myself accept that my mother was telling the truth. "No!" I screamed. "No! She's not dead! No!" Oh, Penelope ... I'm so, so sorry..." Mom cried into my neck. "I'm so sorry..." No!" I screamed that word over and over until my throat had become too thick to speak. My eyes were on fire, my body. I thought her cheeks looked a bit pink — maybe she was embarrassed. But she didn't reply.I gave up after that — there was only so long I could stick at this. At least we'd passed some of the time though and not long after we arrived at the pool.It was of course quite busy. It always was on a warm sunny day. But the water did look very welcoming all the same.There was a small block of changing cubicles one side of the pool, a paved area all the way round, giving way to grass beyond. I tried to inject a little enthusiasm into Jessie. "Come on, Jessie," I urged, "Let's get changed and into that lovely water!"She grunted but did at least follow me into the cubicles. I whipped my clothes off, slipped quickly into my bikini, and within a few minutes was out of the cubicle again. Jessie still seemed to be in hers. I waited a minute of two and she still didn't appear. What on earth was she up to? It seemed a bit rude to just go off and leave her there but I didn't want to hang around all.
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