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She reached into the medicine cabinet for some aspirin and noticed the blade. It had been a long time since she had cut herself. She picked up the blade and closed the medicine cabinet. Her reflection took her by surprise. How did she not notice the dark circles under her eyes? Too many long hours in the lab that was it. Too many hours staring into a microscope trying to find the damn link, she was not getting any closer. She was tired of looking at DNA strands, mutating cells and trying to figure out the how’s and why’s. People die every damn day why should she think that what she was doing would make a difference? She wasn’t any closer than she was three years ago. Let someone else do this, let them struggle with it all. She placed the edge of the blade against her skin and gave one good quick slash. There was no pain just a slight sting and then the warmth of the blood beading and then oozing out from her cut. She stared at the crimson droplets as they collected and smoothly. She had two more sons and then gave up. I was always herfavourite, possibly because I was the smallest. We were a very closefamily. I do not think that my Mother's desires had any bearing on mytransgenderism. I believe that the transgendered are born that way andnot made. Not that I mind either way.I was always slight and the smallest in my classes going throughschool. I am not terribly masculine or not really been into sports orphysical activities.At primary school I related with the girls far more than the boys andhad many girl friends. When I left primary school went to an all boys'school. I didn't fit in terribly well, but made a few friends and wasrelatively settled.I was very young when I started dressing, probably only five or six andused to wear my cousins knickers and skirts any chance I got. I didn'tunderstand it but even then got mental satisfaction. This has carriedon intermittently ever since. I used to kid myself that I was just across dresser but deep down I knew that.
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