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” I made finger quotes in the air to let him know those weren’t my words.“Um ... I don’t think it’s that much. I mean, at least it’s not for me. There’s just like three or four big squirts and then a few dribbles. From the porno videos I’ve seen, that’s pretty normal.”“Okay, good. I can’t imagine having to spend an hour and a half cleaning up every single time you had sex with a guy. A yogurt cup exploded on me once when I accidentally threw my books down on the desk. Pow! All over my shirt, on my face, in my hair. Everywhere! I felt like one of those girls in that book as I slowly scooped it up with my fingers and licked up every single drop.”He stared at me with a mixture of awe and what looked like fear.“What?” I said again. “Too much details?”“Well, on the bright side, I’m probably going to beat my record tonight.”“You’re saying my yogurt story turned you on?”He nodded.“Why? It’s just yogurt.”“It’s quite an image, the way you described it.”“You mean saying my face and hair was. Everyone but his bunch were in tuxes and nice dresses. Pam wore a frilly bright red maternity dress, low-cut and fairly short. She had a pink veil and short train. We used a cloak room in the rear of the hall as the bridal chamber. All the guests were seated and the organist played the wedding march. Me and Derick were at the alter with her father and the JP. All eyes were on the cloak room door. Derick left the front and walked back to the room. We saw him slip inside. The hall was abuzz when he didn't immediately return with Pam. Ten minutes later, they were still in there. The wedding march stopped playing. The crowd murmured among themselves. Her father rapped politely at the door. After twenty minutes, Derick emerged zipping up his fly. Pam stepped out looking disheveled. The march began, they advanced on the stage, vows were exchanged, words were said, we were pronounced husband and wife. The JP said, "You may now kiss the bride." I turned to kiss Pam, but she turned to Derick.
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