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It’s longer than I am tall. I’ve been brought back maybe fifteen times since my ex turned me into Candi. It bothers me a lot that I can’t recall exactly how many times. These are the only times when I’m alive, anymore. Not that it’s really a life. But these are the only times when I’m myself—when he brings me back to see what he’s done to me. And what he’s made me do. I’m groggy. Although he uses a trigger phrase—that’s what he calls it, a ‘trigger phrase’—bringing me back isn’t like flipping a switch. It takes about 45 minutes, apparently. Candi shuts down. The jet fuel of endorphins and dopamine and adrenaline and that propels her sexual insanity drains off. She wanes, I wax, we pass each other in my mind and my biology. The subtler combinations of chemicals that sustain my personality fill my reservoir. Andi—that’s me—returns. To life. The only fragments of life I’m allowed, any more. During the third waking, I asked why he kept bringing me back. If it was just to torture me with. And shower—there's still hot water in the tank enough for at least one shower..." ... If we share," I said, completing the thought.We scrambled out of bed, let the shower warm up, and lathered and cleaned every inch of one another. We almost made each other come right there, but held off: "like saving dessert for last," she said.Then the phone rang, and she walked naked to the den to answer it. "Morning, dear," she said to it. "I'm glad you didn't try driving through the snow last night. They're still plowing the valley, and there looks to be three feet in our driveway. How's Susan? ... oh, dear! Do whatever you can for her, and bring her down here if you think it will help ... Not for a day or two? No, I haven't seen the weather on TV—the power's down ... There, too? Then better save your cellphone battery in case of emergency ... Yeah, love ya too, babe. Be home soon. Expect a warm welcome ... exactly, "she said, blushing at the last. Then, after hanging up, she turned to me:.
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