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Daphne, for instance, was a good woman. I had saved her from a bad path and she managed to find the happiness- the glorious happiness- of a content and loving family. She had the comfort of the good ordinary life- something I had eschewed my entire adult life- and though I had eschewed it, the rewards of it had a certain allure.There were others, too, that I loved or liked. For many I longed for what they had gotten- not jealously, but to enjoy it too. Or I longed for another moment of what we had shared once, with that person, the unique and special things that made them who they were.Yet others I know I had messed up, hurt, or even ruined their lives. In most cases they were good people that didn’t deserve it, and I hated myself for it. I’m not a saint- in some cases the destruction meeting me had brought down upon them was deserved, and I felt no remorse from that- and in some cases I felt triumph at it. But it creates a sort of conundrum.I know Jenny wants me in her life on a. Naturally I went to close the extra door but as I got closer it seemedto be so bright on the other side. The light came through her window toilluminate all the pink making me just a bit more than curious; beggingme that I might like to look in.2 Rescuing my pantiesI intended to peek in for just a second because I just wanted to see howa girl's room was different than a boy's room. I had been in my parents'bedroom which was all organized. But this was so different becauseBrenda was near my age plus even though she was a tomboy her motherdressed her as a frilly girl.The open door was like an invitation that asked, "Why don't you comein?" and in another second it was too late because I was already inside.The femininity was totally amazing; clean and polished as a new pin. Itjust made me feel lucky just to be there even though there was nothingunimaginable; lots of pink, lots of dolls, and lots of books. Her opencloset had tons of pretty dresses; her vanity was stacked with even.
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