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Do I make myselfclear?? ?Yes Master.? I reply. Now fully awake.?Good.? He says and hangs up. I could not have gone back to sleep if I wanted to. The tonein Master?s voice had been very harsh. He did not sound happy at all. Iwondered if I had angered him somehow. But he had been away for two weeksTaking care of the closing on our place in Tennessee. We had only moved toTexas six weeks ago. ?????????? What couldI have done? Had he found out I had not taken proper care of his property bynot going to the hospital voluntarily when I needed to? My mind raced as I gotup and headed to the bathroom for my shower.??? KnowingI had somehow disappointed him crushed me. Master did not usually resort tophysical punishment. He knew how hard I was on myself and how just the tone inhis voice could reduce me to tears. Somehow though I think this was going to bedifferent. I was not sure why. Perhaps it was because of the tone of his voiceand the abrupt way he hung up. But, somehow I just knew I was in. My heart tried to thump its way out of my chest.“I’ll be right back, stay here.” Concerned at this point, Steph went upstairs to her kitchen to get something. Great, now I’m alone in her fucking basement. She knows about me and basements!She came back down with a brown paper lunch bag. “Breathe into this, you’re hyperventilating.”She held it to my face as we sat on her bed and that didn’t help at all. There was far less oxygen in that little fucking bag than in the room. What was she thinking?“Mandy! You need to calm--”“Don’t tell me to calm down!” I screamed at her in a shrill voice. Then I unloaded on her, my voice rising to an almost unnatural pitch as my anxiety took complete control over me. ”How can I calm down when my world is crashing? I don’t think I like boys! Don’t you get it? I’ll never get married, or have kids, Greg is going to tell everyone at school and they will laugh at me and think I’m stupid or frigid and maybe I am a lesbian and my mom is going to kill me and.
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