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‘Will you bloody shut up! I have no concern at all about your wife or what you do or don’t do! I am not interested! I was interested in your cock! Now that’s over, I’m going.’‘But?but Carmen?will I see you again?’‘What on earth for?’He was immediately at a loss and I felt slightly sorry for him.‘Call me at my office sometime,’ I said airily. ‘I’ll leave you to pay for the room. Bye.’He called and called and I relented. We had lunch and I watched Mark be very rude to the waiters and pretend to be so in control. I resolved to never see the ignorant and boring little shite again.Then he began to ramble on about rubbish so I took control.‘Shut up or I’ll slap you again!’He gaped at me, eyes wide and shut his mouth.‘Or, perhaps,’ I said, sipping wine, ‘I’ll give you a bloody good flogging!’Mark suddenly blushed and I wondered if I was on to something.‘Perhaps you’d like that,’ I said maliciously, watching him squirm, ‘perhaps your little dick is hard at the thought of me putting you over. It would cut down a bit on the trial-and-error part of finding a woman who at least fit my basic criteria.It took longer to craft the advertisement than it did to write a week's worth of columns. At first it was too abrupt. Then too trite. Then it was too fuzzy. As much as I tried to inject a little humor into the script, I couldn't seem to get it to say exactly what I wanted it to say. In frustration, I contacted Rich."Buddy, I have a favor to ask," I said after the usual social opening."Fire away, man. I'm listening." I trying to compose an ad for a website that helps find compatible dates for miserable wretches like me. I'm having a hell of a time with getting the wording right." Uh huh, I can understand that. Not trying to give too much away, yet trying to hook the likely reader you want to respond, right?" Exactly. Can you help?" Hmmmm. Well, I have no vested interest in the success of your quest except to hope that you succeed beyond your wildest dreams," he chuckled. Rich.
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