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Real relationships seemed impossible.Everyone knew me as the prim and proper girl who liked learning. Even among the nerd boys, I seemed an off limits alien. At one point, I shared chemistry class with five of them from my core friends group. They made naughty jokes and seemed genuinely surprised that I wanted to be included. They lightly flirted with me; mostly finding excuses to touch me during labs. Even so, none of them thought to make an actual move. They preferred, from my perspective, to ogle at a pretty, popular girl on the other side of the classroom, whom they had no shot with. I was fun to hang with and make fun of, but not worth pursuing. My lab partner, nicknamed Big Bear, was the closest to consider pursuing me. He moved away before any relationship could develop. He happened to fit my “type” as an adult. A few years later, Big Bear recounted a conversation that occured during a scheduled absence from that chemistry class, which I diligently copied into my journal.“Oh. .. in with your hand. Don’t worry, I’ll help you.”“Okay, mom,” I said, knowing this was a bad time to start having second thoughts. After a few fumbling tries I managed to slip in with the helping guidance of my mother’s fingers. It was very warm in there and I could feel the bristly pubic hairs on my shaft. My hands were on either side of mom, I was still afraid to lean close for some reason. I started awkwardly thrusting my hips, not feeling much more than the warmth.“Try to get it deeper,” mom instructed, her hand touching my hip. I moved my weight to my elbows and tried to do a longer thrust. The natural ribbed feeling of the vagina caught me by surprise, which mom could see on my face.“Just like that,” she said, and I let my hips move, doing the same long thrusts.“Hh. Hh. Hh.” Minutes passed awkwardly as we both started to realize this wasn’t working. Mom quickly took the situation under control like a responsible parent should.“Let’s try something else, okay? Or do you mind if.
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