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It was my grief and insecurity driving that. I just wanted a man to reassure me that I was still attractive. The woman in your picture was a lot younger and hotter than I am and I had begun to transfer my need to be desired over to him. It was kind of like my personal version of the Stockholm syndrome.”I thought, “He might not be good at photoshopping but he is a genius at seduction. He couldn’t have played on Janet’s insecurities any better if he had actually been married to her for 17 years.”Then she hesitated. I didn’t want to hear what was coming next but I had to get the entire story out. So I said, my voice dripping with suspicion and threat, “Was that all there was then?”She gave a deep sigh and then continued after a significant pause. She said that Murphy had invited her over to his place for dinner last night, just to help her get up her courage for the confrontation that the lawyer had told her to have with me today.In the middle of that sentence Janet started to cry. I. We both had the urge to destroy that innocence, but we resisted. We couldn’t bring ourselves to destroy the innocence of the first time at this beautiful place.The second time I came here alone on your suggestion. Trying to feel your presence. But all I felt was the gaping hole where you should be next to me. I left here crying, missing you, and emotionally unstable. I don’t want this to be another place I go to alone. This place is special. Ours.The last time we came here was a dream. We had both had a hard time sleeping. We had been trying to give each other space. I tried so hard to push your love away, so the pain would stop. The pain of not having you, not being yours. And you dreaming of me but denying yourself as usual. Our dreams, though, never listened to our brains.I drove here in the middle of the night, half sobbing, half dreaming the entire forty-five-minute drive. I had sent you a single message, with a single word. Lindenwood. You didn’t respond. I sat in the parking.
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