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The knowledge of what I had done again was difficult to cope with. I felt so shameful, whenever I talked to Mr Collins in the next few days I blushed and looked down. I knew he had seen me, hoped he was OK with it, knew that he knew I was feeling horny at the thought. Each night I was rampant on my own fingers, wanting to do it again. Sometimes I was quite sore in the mornings. I began to take spare knickers to work as I was often too wet to keep one pair on all day. A few days later, whilst he was sitting at the coffee table and I was being allowed to stand naked for him, Mr Collins confided in me that he was a little concerned at my nocturnal rubbings. ‘You are beginning to finger yourself more and more aren’t you Lena?’ He could read me like a book I realised. ‘it’s getting out of control, isn’t it? ‘Yes Sir.’ I felt so ashamed of how slutty I was. I was afraid he’d sack me, not want me near him. ‘Now to be certain that you are do not suffer from a lack of sleep I do not want you. Obviously, if others could somehow acquire identical powers, it could be an enormous boon to humankind. Possibly, it could be a curse; but certainly John thought that it would be a boon.Was he being selfish and shortsighted in depriving science of its opportunity to examine him? Study him? Yes, perhaps he was. He fretted over the question constantly. It bothered him more than any of the several other moral quandaries with which he was being confronted.Still John was, after all, devoting his entire life to saving the lives of others. He had no other job, no family, or any regular human contact outside of strangers: waitresses, the odd motel clerk here and there, and his occasional telephone conversations with Albert Cosgrove.He knew there was rich irony in it. He maintained anonymity as a means of preserving the possibility of his having a "normal" life, but the life he was leading was anything but normal.Never mind. The remaining slender reeds of personal privacy seemed immensely.
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