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Wanting to admit that I felt the same way, but not brave enough to take this step, I instead said nothing. Eventually, I broke the silence: “Yeah…Don’t be ashamed about it. To be honest, I feel the exact same way. I don’t really want to kiss a guy or have sex with a dude, but sometimes I do picture jerking off with a guy, or even maybe giving a guy head or something.”I couldn’t believe my ears. I had admitted it. My deepest secret verbalized for the first time. I felt naked, exhilarated, and excited all at once. There, sitting on Ryan’s bed, drinking screw-drivers in the dark, we realized that we shared a similar burning curiosity.Then, the unthinkable happened. Ryan leaned over. Slowly, I felt his lips brush against mine. I could taste the sourness of the OJ and vodka as Ryan brought his lips to my own. I opened my lips with hesitation and let Ryan move his tongue against mine. I felt lightheaded and trembled as blood rushed out of my head and swelled hard against the fly of my. "Nope," she replied."Well, Amber," I said, "How did you get in?" My mom and dad have a key to your house," she said. "Just like you guys have to ours." She said this as matter-of-factly as if I had asked her whether or not it was raining outside."Does Dylan or anyone know you're here?" I inquired. She shook her head. I noticed that Amber was wearing a dark blue hooded sweatshirt which was long enough on her that it hung halfway to her knees like a short dress."Well," I said, "What's up? Why are you here?" You never did it to me," Amber said quietly."Amber, Honey," I said. "I never did what to you?" When you and my daddy and Dylan and me were playing last weekend," she replied. "You never did it to me." My mind raced to the wild night the four of us had just a week ago. I had certainly not forgotten, but the busyness of the week had prevented much more than late night thoughts about what had happened. I had done a lot of things ... a few I never expected, with people I never expected.
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