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I sat with my back against the footboard, legs stretched out in front of me, crossed at the ankles. I drank a glass of water and watched her sleep.I had never wanted anyone so badly in my life: to be kissed, held and touched by her, to hear her words whispered so softly in my ear. I wanted to be inside her not just inside her but all of me in her, living and breathing in her chest, near the beating of her heart. We were magnets, she and I, drawn together yet kept apart by a force unseen, but definitely felt. At the opposite end of her bed, she stirred and flopped onto her back. A moan escaped and I wondered what she dreamt about. Her mouth eased open and I had an urge to kiss her, to cover her lips with mine and draw in her breath, her life, her words, her smiles and laughter. I extinguished my thoughts by going into action and crawled gently over to her. I leaned over her and smiled down. Arathi looked so vulnerable as she slept, and seemed incapable of causing me pain. An ache. Emotionally, I think she was still an eleven year old girl who had grown up way too fast and without any of the necessary teenaged social interactions that teach young adults properly (usually) how to relate to the wider world. She didn’t understand at all the concept of ‘give and take’ and the only moment she lived in was ‘the now’. She needed to grow up a bit (ok, actually a lot), but I wasn’t sure at all that I had the patience to deal with her while she attempted it. The whole business of ‘I say terrible things to you because I like you’ was also causing me some problems, and I addressed both of these issues with her, but she didn’t have any simple solutions to that. All she could say was that she would ‘try and not do anything to hurt me’. That was bound to be, to say the least, inadequate. About Noon, she finally tired of soaking in the tub, and I found a long old T-shirt of mine (I didn’t own a bathrobe) that at least covered her ass enough so that she could sit at the dining.
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