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Six miserable days I’ve been here, in my dead dad’s vacation cabin in the mountains, sucking my own tit and talking to Daddy’s ghost who probably isn’t even here and wouldn’t give much of a shit if he were. If it were. Whatever, do ghosts still have genders?I can’t eat. Can’t sleep much either, and every time I do my dreams replay the whole fucking mess.Why did I go to law school? God, I wish I hadn’t, Sometimes I wish I hadn’t even been born. Or maybe I could have been born stupid, or studied less in school, or anything.All those young dreams I had, fighting for the right and setting the world on its proper course and doing good, good, good. All the work I put in, summa cum laude out of college, acing the LSATs, making law review, top of my fucking class, right into one of the really good law firms.They encouraged me! Hell, more than that, they pushed me right in. Do some pro bono work as a public defender, they said, get the experience, learn your way around the system and the. "Why not just change the locks and serve the papers?”“I’m married to a woman that other guys want, I’d be crazy to dump her unless she didn’t want me.”That got me a kiss and a hug. A very long hug.“What now?” She said eventually, hesitating, pulling away enough to get my face in focus."Can you tell me why? I can sort of guess but it’s best if you can tell me. I know we're both too busy and and all that, but why? We could have worked on it." It was easy," she said. "Too fucking easy." She looked at me, full on total eye contact. "I guess you’ve never been tempted, maybe you're better than me." No." It was just too easy," she said. "Too many opportunities... and I was too stupid. I should have said no and talked to you, but I couldn’t face doing that." And I might have said no..."“That would have been okay but I just couldn’t do that to you. It would make it seem like I didn’t love you.” “So was it because I’m no fun?”"No love, don't think like that. At home, our life... we have to.
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