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’ He said. ‘Quite a few.’ The silence lingered on for long moments, and then the man in black continued. ‘I’ve come to realize that I’m driven by something that I don’t quite understand. Part of me wants to believe that I’m setting something right in the world that is terribly wrong. And part of me feels like I’m doing it for selfish reasons. Maybe killing my father over and over again for dying like a coward and leaving me as a kid.’ More silence followed, and after a few seconds the man in black spoke on. ‘I’m not certain if it’s because I’m a mean a bastard at heart and I just enjoy hurting people, or maybe because I enjoy hurting certain people because I can easily justify it. Either way it’s the same.’ ‘Well.’ The preacher man interjected softly. ‘It is very brave of you to admit all of this, and I see by the fact that you have given such thoughts to your actions that you are still human, despite your actions. I would suggest that you remember that when you decide the next step. From the start of it I had known that I could only steal some small fraction of his affection. Somebody like me could never replace someone like Nadine. I truthfully told him that I would never expect him or wanted him to leave his wife for me. I cried and said that we would have to tell her what happened. We at least owed her that.He argued calmly against it. Stating that this would be a destructive thing to do. We should rather keep this between us and deal with our emotions ourselves. What we both agreed upon was that we wanted to stay friends, that this should not destroy the relationship we had built over the years and especially over the past weeks and months. He was worried that bringing Nadine into this could endanger this intention. Mat can often times be very convincing but on this morning I was not persuaded. Trust in any relationship is an invaluable currency. His solution might have been initially the least hurtful for the three of us but it wouldn't have been right. I.
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