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However, I did openly admire. Once again, I was enraptured by the dichotomy of her; a child’s body blossoming with pubescence. I appreciated her small butt, narrow with indents in her buttocks as they flexed, and felt the urge to caress them. Arousal stirred.Rachael’s personality changed as well. She was still a bright, energetic, and out-going girl, but when I’d grab her, pull her into a hug, and she understood I wanted a kiss, Rachael would soften. Her smile would show shy pleasure, and then our lips would touch, her head would tilt, her eyes close, and we’d flirt with our tongues; little touches of intimacy. I loved wrapping her in my arms. Every time I’d get aroused by her slight body, so small, so young - such exciting forbidden fruit.Kiss over, Rachael would come alive, bouncing on her feet, talkative, with her expressive eyes alight.She was utterly charming. Even her vociferous disagreements with me were spirited but never angry.In the evenings, she’d sit next to me as I read. Anyway, the reason I haven’t made my desires known, the reason I’m too scared to initiate conversation with him, is because I’m a virgin. I was a late bloomer, and the lack of experience in high school has made me painfully awkward. He’s obviously an experienced man who would have no interest in me. I’m an undergrad at this university, and he’s at least a graduate student, if not a professor. I don’t see a ring on his finger, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t taken. I wish he’d take me. I wish he’d just…cut through the song-and-dance bullshit of flirting, and strip me naked in the bathroom. No…pull down my leggings and take me with my clothes on. Press my face against the mirror and force me to watch my defilement as my desperate breaths fog the glass. OK; calm down Alice. This happens to me a lot. My sexual repression often manifests itself as violent pornographic desires. At least, that’s what the school psychologist said when I had a breakdown sophomore year of high school. I just.
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