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My mind aches to think of new ways to link my life to yours, I miss you. By the way, you know that I love you, right? Yours, Raven To the best I ever had, I went out walking in the rain the other day just to try to get you out of my mind. The shower quickly turned into a down pour and I found myself running back to the apartment. As I turned the corner I thought I saw you cross the street, so naturally I went tearing after you. The rain started to cloud my vision and the tears were blinding me, so when I finally gained perspective I could no longer see you. Out of frustration I turned and headed back to the apartment. As I walked down the street oblivious to almost everything around me I realized that my relationship to you is like one of those watery puddles. I can peer into that liquid mirror see everything that I am and everywhere I want to be just blinking back at me but the second I reach out to touch it, the image distorts, changes form, and becomes unlike anything it was. Then, last year, my GF saw the messages and made me delete all my accounts. Our break up involved my family and everyone finding out about this side of me. Most People didn’t understand it and even 4 of my 8 family members called me faggot which bothered me at the time. Now the word faggot empowers me. I love being called a faggot and it has become an important part of my identity. I’ve since removed myself from that negativity. Starting this year, I’ve acquired more clothes and become more open about who I am. Lots of people have seen me (family/friends) it has made me more confident. Nothing like how I was when I was 13. When they ask me why I have slutty stripper outfits in my closet, I tell them they are mines. They ask why I do it or if I’m gay. I simply reply I’ve had my time being a male and enjoyed it but I know that I feel better about myself when I’m a girl. I have a more vibrant and energetic attitude about life when I live this way. Being dressed and dolled up. It doesn’t.
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