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"Tim's face broke into a wide smile. "Good! There is hope for you yet," Tim said with a self-conscious laugh.They snuggled for a few more minutes then Tim said, "Come on and get up., We have a lot to do." What wild and crazy things do you have for me to do today?" Janice asked with a smile.Tim was heartened by her smile. "Well, I think it's time you learned how to please a man with your mouth," Tim said as he pulled his wife from the bed and toward the bathroom.Janice followed reluctantly. She had known that this was going to happen. She was both looking forward to it and dreading it. The few times she had given Tim oral sex she had been drunk. In fact, she couldn't remember too much about it. It wasn't that she didn't want to do it; she knew that men loved it and had read that many women loved it as well. However, it violated all of the things she had been taught. Good girls didn't do that, they had said. In school "those" girls were always the sluts. What she didn't know was that. And that meant walking out had been exactly the right thing to do.I just didn't like myself for doing it.I wrestled with that one for a while. I kept coming up with rational logical explanations that died in my tossing and turning. While they made as much sense as why I couldn't sleep, they also weren't getting me anywhere.In the end, I realized it was simply because I knew I'd hurt Sharon. Not only by walking out, but earlier. Relationships, even friendships, take two, right? I was just as responsible for the whole mucked up friends with benefits, friends without benefits mess as she was. How much had I encouraged her to move on from Allen? Not enough. How much had I enabled her to not move on? Even if she'd been the one to break the rules in our disastrous night in D.C., her charge that I'd manipulated things to set it up was true.There were a lot of times I didn't show philios to her either.Which meant a lot of my obsession the past year was simply wanting her to forgive me. I was.
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