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That little quip motivated my first two year expedition to locate the lost Aztec city of gold.”Magus said, “A well stocked medicine cabinet can be indispensable in a good marriage. You will want to stock it with sedatives for visits by in-laws, amphetamines for evenings to the opera, anti-depressants for when her sex drive dies, and aspirin for daily use.”“Don’t forget the Viagra for use with your mistress,” Oscar said.Nodding his head in agreement, Magus said, “Just so that you know, take a sedative before your first trip to the opera and then amphetamines to all visits thereafter. It will convince your wife that you’ve actually become interested in the opera as a result of her influence and will generally result in sex.”“Do not ever take an amphetamine before a visit from your mother-in-law. You will find that your tongue is a much faster organ than your brain. It can lead to an exciting evening that involves lots of shouting and breaking of fragile things. That little error. My Prize Question therefore should be, To discover some Drug wholesome & not disagreable, to be mix?d with our common Food, or Sauces, that shall render the natural Discharges of Wind from our Bodies, not only inoffensive, but agreable as Perfumes.That this is not a chimerical Project, and altogether impossible, may appear from these Considerations. That we already have some Knowledge of Means capable of Varying that Smell. He that dines on stale Flesh, especially with much Addition of Onions, shall be able to afford a Stink that no Company can tolerate; while he that has lived for some Time on Vegetables only, shall have that Breath so pure as to be insensible to the most delicate Noses; and if he can manage so as to avoid the Report, he may any where give Vent to his Griefs, unnoticed. But as there are many to whom an entire Vegetable Diet would be inconvenient, and as a little Quick-Lime thrown into a Jakes will correct the amazing Quantity of fetid Air arising from the vast Mass.
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