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I didn't realize how little I knew about myself. I had never questioned the path that had been laid out for me, and the college experience helped me realize how much more there was to life. I met a girl, who was very nice and comfortable to be with, but she knew who she was and where she was going in life, and I felt like a piece of clay with no form or direction. Though I felt a great desire for her, I had to pull myself away from her, fearful I would just give in to her life and never discover my true identity hidden within me." My first true love, who I actually pictured myself marrying, was with me during my military service. She couldn't deal with the physical distance, so ended up getting involved with another guy. This hit me very hard. I didn't understand what was happening. She was very guarded about sharing her feelings, and I felt lost in the unknown. This experience helped me discover the importance of communication."I noticed Jayne was soaking in every word I shared. I. Cry."Erica... Erica!?" Julia shouted at him.He jerked his head towards her, startled, like he had been suddenlyyanked out of a dream."You okay?" she asked."Yeah... um... sure," he said, feeling deeply relaxed and drowsy, hislimbs oddly heavy. He took a deep breath and blinked a few times. Ithad to be the stress, he decided. Julia wanted to ruin him as a man.Wasn't that enough to stress out anybody? And then there was Juliahumiliating him in public, dressing him like a girl!He thought back to yesterday, to the shopping trip she had ordered himon. She made him get groceries right after dropping her off at work. Itwas still fresh in his mind, the shame and panic he had experiencedstill very real. He could hardly believe he had actually done it, hadgone out in public dressed in women's clothing, sissified, wearing nailpolish no less. He only hoped nobody he knew saw him. There was no wayto know. He had kept his head down the entire time, in a panic,teetering through the isles in high.
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