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She hadn't finished with me; she looked at the pill-bottle where it lay on the floor near the wall, "So this is your answer to your problems? The melodramatic final act of giving me all your worldly goods and then 'Goodbye cruel world'?"Her sarcasm was vicious and cut through me like a sharp knife, paring away the altruistic veneer and exposing the selfish heartwood of my actions. I waited submissively for her to continue. I deserved everything that I got from her. She surprised me by sitting next to me and leaning her head against my shoulder. Almost without thinking I put my arms around her and hugged her. She sighed contentedly. We sat quietly while my mind continued to whirl with half-formed thoughts and questions. Eventually she started to speak."The drug that Steve gave me means that I can't remember that night properly. I get flashbacks and feelings, but I've long-since lost the ability to distinguish between actual memories and memories of memories. You think that you raped. It wasn’t designed that way but the creek washing out the bridge a few hundred yards past my house made it a fact. I kind of liked the idea when it first happened but lately loneliness had slowly crept in. I do Internet research for several companies and work from home. The only reason for me to go to town is groceries and companionship. I sighed as I went into the kitchen and found my flashlight. I would have laughed at the word companionship, if it hadn’t hurt so much. Besides being a class ‘A’ geek and a nerd, I wasn’t exactly Adonis either. You can add four eyes and beanpole to the other two names. All four I had carried since high school like a flock of albatrosses around my neck. You would think at thirty, it wouldn’t hurt so much. Wrong! It always hurts. Well, except for when I was role-playing in one of my on-line personas. That’s where the real me could shine, the person I was inside. The person I wouldn’t dare show in real life because laughter was, by far, the worst pain.
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