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As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open& zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his'garage door.' He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my garage door was open, did you see my Jaguar parked in there?' She smiled and said,"No, I didn't. All I saw was an old tired minivan with two flat tires..."Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says:"Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?" Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just pooped my pants."A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:'So I hear you're getting married?''Yep!''Do I know her?''Nope!''This woman, is she good looking?''Not really.''Is she a good cook?''Naw, she can't cook too well.''Does she have lots of. " Plus what?" I may or may not have accidentally killed a bunch of humans." What?!" Well, I suppose accident is a bit of a stretch. Meaning a lie. I knew exactly what I was doing." B, what the hell are you talking about?!" There were these scientist people, remember me telling you about the Initiative?" Vaguely." Well, they were building this vampire-slash-demon-slash-human-hybrid-thing in the basement, and it got loose and took over the Initiative. We went to help, and the soldier boys fought back, wouldn't let us help. So... I didn't actually kill anyone, but I didn't try to stop the hybrid from killing them either. After they were all dead, I did my job. I ripped out the thing's power core and it died. But someone called 911 because of loud noises, and we accidentally left the front door open, so the police found us. I did what I could to protect my friends. I knocked them out and stored them in a closet. The police arrested me, and I got the blame for the deaths of all those.
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