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" Yeah, you are," Stacy said joining in. "Just how big is it anyway?" She too wondered aloud."Shit, I don't know ... not like I've actually measured it or anything," I proclaimed, once again feeling nervous and uncomfortable here discussing this with my own sisters."No shit? Really? You've actually never measured yourself? Don't all guys do that?" They almost spoke as one, talking over the top of one another as they each asked the questions."No ... we don't. At least I haven't anyway," I said speaking for myself at least. Which is when the twins sat looking at one another with smiles on their faces."I'll get it," Tracy said standing, and then scurried off over towards the desk there in the den."Get what?" I asked, though I now had some kind of an idea as to what they were suggesting here. Sure enough, she pulled an old wooden ruler out of the desk drawer."This should work!" Get real," I said looking at her. "You don't really think for one moment here..." Come on, be a sport David,". In short, I felt myself slipping deeper and deeper into a dark and lonely crevice between the two groups, much like the divide I by now felt separating me from the Vanilla world I'd once known. More than this, the 'invisibility' that used to stalk me and withhold the acceptance I craved in the Vanilla world had followed me into my BDSM world and it felt like nobody noticed or cared that I was falling from view.Themes of abandonment are strong in my darkest fantasies. In this particular fantasy, as I look up the ragged walls of the emotional ravine I've slipped into, I see my husband and our kinkster friends above. They stand on the edge of the precipice with their backs to me. I can at times hear them chatting and laughing; at other times, speaking ponderously about the nature of dominance and submission or making inane judgment calls on things that might define people into their neat, tidy compartments.At the top on the other side of this imagined abyss stand many men and women from.
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